You folks spend your time and hard-earned money on the pretty things I create here at Lucky 13, and I'm sorry there are times when it takes too long to ship out or I don't respond to messages quickly. I want you all to know I appreciate all of your continued support and understanding so much more than words can say.
Secondly, I'd like to apologize for not being as honest about why I've fallen behind as I'd like to have been. It feels weird to talk about my disabilities, but since it's recently heavily impacted my ability to work I think it's time to stop feeling embarrassed for silly reasons.
I've been experiencing chronic joint pain for the last 7 years, since I was 23. I've seen over a dozen doctors and every one of them has said there's "nothing wrong" with me and sent me away to wonder if it was all in my head. I'd spend hours looking for something that explained my seemingly random symptoms, but nothing fit 100%. In January 2017, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and I began trying to accept that pain is simply a part of my life now. I've talked about this before, and having friends who understand is helpful, but I still wasn't satisfied with the answer so I kept looking.
Earlier this year, I came across another explanation that really made sense. It explained some of my "silly human tricks" I've been doing since I was a child, the weird way I've always sat (until my pain caught up with me), even why I bruise so easily and my scars look different than other peoples'.
I have Ehlers-Danlos.
What that means is that my joints don't know where the hell they're supposed to be hanging out, so they can partially dislocate (called subluxation) or even fully dislocate at any time. Also, my collagen doesn't heal well so my joints wear down faster than they should. This is a really painful thing to experience in one joint, let alone half a dozen across my whole body. On the up-side, my skin is as soft as a baby angel's buns. While my body feels like I'm 200 on the inside, I'll look like I'm in my 20s for decades to come. Silver linings!!
However, the pain on top of anxiety, depression, and bi-polar mood swings can make it a struggle just to want to keep going every day. Some days I just feel like a hopeless and broken human. I've had a lot of those days recently.
Waking up after a restless 6 hours, stuffing myself to the eyeballs with coffee, working in pain all day (and only achieving partial efficiency because of it) before collapsing to start the cycle again the next day has been driving me insane. I'm trying to maintain a better balance of efficient work and rest, and I'm learning.
I can honestly say that getting to "play with glitter" for a living is not something I take for granted, nor is success something I inherently deserve. But I want to continue working hard for it, every day that I can.
Thanks for reading all of this <3