Softening the Bad Things

7/15/2013

Warning: Tons of feelings ahead. Grab a tissue, I'll wait. It'll give this page time to load, too, 'cause I've gone a little overboard with the pictures and gifs.

Every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don't always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don't necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant.
--11th Doctor, Vincent and the Doctor

For over a decade I've suffered from varying degrees of depression. Some days I'm fine, heck some days I'm downright manic, but there are days and weeks at a time where for no reason at all it's a chore simply to get out of bed, make coffee in my Keurig knockoff, and find something to eat. It's on those days that I'm grateful for bottled Starbucks frappuccinos and cold cereal or leftover pizza.

Thankfully, after years of trying different medications and methods I mostly have it under control, but sometimes I still find myself wanting to curl into a ball and hide in a hole.

I recently had a severe depressive episode that I fought like hell to get out of, but I was losing the battle which had gone on for over a week...and then I remembered the Eleventh Doctor's quote from Vincent and the Doctor...and the tears came. I'm still not sure if they were good or bad, but since that day I've been able to remind myself that just because things are bad now doesn't mean they've *always* been bad, nor that they always will be, and it's just a matter of waiting out the storm.

I already have two beautiful reminders of this, and they help a lot. In December my best friend made me the card below (ALL by hand! Using only an X-acto knife, construction paper, and printer paper) and it is simply amazing. It's especially meaningful because she rarely takes the opportunity for creative outlet and I know that she spent literally all day on it while I was at work.

And more recently my new best lacquer friend, Accio Lacquer, made this for me. I'm currently searching for the perfect 4"x6" frame so I can hang it on my wall.

If you'd like the original image to print out yourself click for a larger size.

And though I don't have it yet, this lovely bracelet is currently on my Etsy wishlist, awaiting a time when I have the money to spare to buy jewelry so I can add it to my pile of good things ;-)

Wow, strike that--my wonderful friends have just ordered me one! Accio Lacquer got to me first and mere moments after Nails in Real Life asked for my wrist size!

And now I have another reminder. A reminder inspired by this painting, originally by Vincent Van Gogh and modified ever so slightly by Doctor Who.

I am very happy (see what I did there?) to introduce Softening the Bad Things <3

Softening the Bad Things is a pale blue jelly, as close to the same shade as the background of Van Gogh's painting as I could get, with medium and large gold hex and tiny bronze glitters to represent the sunflowers.

This color is my first numbered Limited Edition. I made 26 bottles of Softening the Bad Things: 16 full size and 10 shortie size. They are each numbered in Van Gogh's own handwriting.

Bottle #1 is already at Accio Lacquer's, she was able to pre-order it to allow time for her to review it. Bottle #13 is mine of course, and bottle #20 is reserved for my mom--come on, how could I say no to Mom when she asked me to hold it for her??

That leaves 14 full size and 9 shortie bottles left for sale which will begin July 29th around 2PM Pacific Time. They will be an extra $1 per bottle and that $25 ($1 extra from 25 bottles) will be donated to NAMI. I will be matching the $25 donation and I am looking for other bloggers/indie makers/people who need an excuse to donate to match the $25 donation as well. I'll list any donation matchers on the product's sale page.

I am considering doing a second run of this polish in the future but since I haven't even officially released this color yet it's still just an idea that's just floating in my head. If these sell out faster than I expect then I'll consider a second run in a few months and the numbered labels will show that it's the second run at that time.

Ok, I'm done being overly verbose. Does anyone else here need a hug? I know I could certainly use one. If anyone ever needs some love from someone who understands depression feel free to leave a comment here, on my Facebook page, or send me a message.

<3

UPDATE

Oh my goodness, it seems I've struck a chord with so many of you. I'll absolutely have to do a second run of this, most likely a larger batch as well. I'm tentatively considering a second run being released mid-September.

You're all wonderful, thank you for your kind words, support, and for sharing your stories with me <3

32 Comments

strangemodegirl

7/15/2013 10:47:30 am

This is something I have also been struggling with for over 26 years and like you, I am alright most days with medication, but I still have those days/weeks where I can't get myself out of bed. Thank you for this post. (((hugs)))

Kyoti

7/15/2013 11:14:49 am

*big hugs!*

Rebecca at The Lacquer Raptor link

7/15/2013 11:02:24 am

Can I pre-order it? Cuz I really wanna pre-order it :) I've been struggling with depression for my entire adult life, and I think it's awesome that you're donating <3

7/15/2013 11:16:15 am

Ah, I wish I could let you! I'll be making an announcement on my Facebook page around 30 minutes before I make the polish available on my site and it's looking like I'll *definitely* have to do a second run based on how much love this polish has gotten. Can you believe at first I was only going to make 13 of these?!

<3

Kitrona

7/15/2013 11:07:07 am

All I can do is say *hugs!*

I have depression, exacerbated by chronic pain, and I know the feeling of struggling to get out of bed and function.

7/15/2013 11:18:00 am

*hugs!* to you as well! I have chronic pain as well, though thankfully it's not constant (it just flares up at the least opportune time), the universe just seems to work against us some days, doesn't it?

afghanlove

7/15/2013 12:52:01 pm

Dang, Kyoti, you got me right in the feels. I've recently been diagnosed with moderate depression (possibly late onset postpartum) and am going through the ups and downs of figuring things out. Can't wait to get the opportunity to purchase this beauty!!

7/15/2013 02:15:27 pm

Emotional rollercoasters are no fun, that's for sure. I hope you balance out soon! <3 And if you're not able to snag one this time around I'm planning on a second (larger) run in a couple months.

Callie link

7/15/2013 01:24:19 pm

Unfortunately, I too understand the pain of depression.
For me it was a struggle to understand why nothing was helping, why I was getting worse as time went on. I tried so many antidepressants and different forms of therapy. 10 years after my first diagnosis with depression I finally got my answer. I was being misdiagnosed and I actually am Bipolar type II.
At first, it was big blow. As much of a stigma as depression has, Bipolar Disorder has much worse connotations... It took me a few weeks and I finally just said to myself, "I don't care what it's called, what can I do to make it better?"
Giving something a label didn't change me, I am still me. But now I know the right things to do to help it.

Anyway ^_^;;

I love the color that you chose, I think the base blue is so pretty!

And that phrase? Amazing ^_^

7/15/2013 02:23:29 pm

That's a wonderful outlook! About a year ago a new doctor I went to gave me little more than a WebMD questionnaire and, upon hearing that my mom is diagnosed as bipolar, he immediately decided that I must be as well! He put me on a medication that actually made me feel MORE "crazy" (super high ups, super low downs, frequently switching between the two, manic, depressive, manic again, can't think straight, can't communicate right, can't sleep, constantly starving, AAAAHHHH I wanted to rip my hair out!) than I'd ever felt before. At my follow-up he was completely dismissive of my concerns, too. I had to call his office 6 weeks in and demand they give me a schedule to get off the drug.

Anywho. Sorry about the tangent! My point was supposed to be that when he said I was bipolar I had to have a little internal pep talk. I had to ask myself "Do I think my mom is crazy JUST because she's bipolar? Even if I did, is there anything wrong with being crazy??" The answer to both questions was "no", and even though I despised being on that drug I made a decision about how I felt regarding depression and bipolar disorder, so at least something good came of it!

I'm glad you like this color--I'm finding myself staring at my hand (which still has Softening the Bad Things on it) and just smiling today :-) Hopefully it can bring the same happiness to others!

Aubrey Bell link

7/15/2013 02:19:41 pm

Wow, Kyoti! This is amazing! I've struggled with anxiety since I was a child. It's only been since my RA diagnosis 5 years ago, followed by a diagnosis of fibromyalgia that I've also battled depression. That's a weird, oxymoronic combo, huh? I hope I can grab one of those bottles when they go on sale, but either way, I'll definitely be matching your donation. My blog is all about encouraging those facing battles...not just chronic illness, but any battle. I talk about my battles with my physical illnesses on a a pretty regular basis. But you've inspired me here to talk about my battle with mental illness, as well. I think I'll schedule that post for July 29th. :)

7/15/2013 05:44:22 pm

Thank you again for matching the donation! I think we're going to really be able to make a difference working together!! <3

Janine Herb

7/15/2013 02:48:45 pm

Omg!!! Vincent and the Doctor is one of my favorite episodes for this reason!!!
I have been struggling with clinical depression and anxiety since middle school (well that was when I was diagnosed). I went on medicine, but I would still have these....meltdowns where I was vicious and manipulative. I lost many friends, guys, and even the trust of family because of this.
All through middle school and high school I was alone. I would rather read my books instead of possibly lose more friends. My life was this way until a breakthrough in college.
I was finally diagnosed with ADHD! I know I shouldn't have been happy, but it was a conformation of something I knew deep inside me! I felt like Amy did, when she understood why Vincent painted the sky like he did!!
I still have to deal with everything day by day, but I feel like I have found a home....in the group of nerds. Doctor Who and other nerd obsessions have brought me closer to people. I wouldn't have the courage otherwise.
So please, I NEED to buy some of this. Even though my job doesn't really allow nail polish like this, I will wear it on my toes (even though I hate them :P ).

7/15/2013 05:49:47 pm

I've suspected for a long time that I'm at least mildly ADD but any time I've brought it up doctors have just dismissed it :-/ I need to look into it further when I get new insurance.

I hope you get to snag one of these, it will leave you with happy toes! :-)

7/16/2013 08:55:34 am

It took years of my mom trying to bring it up to my school, but there were kids that were worse. We knew that there was something more wrong, but no one would listen.
When I finally got tested, I was happy. I had a doctor who gave me medicine, but then I had to switch doctors.
My new doctor didn't accept the test as proof that I had ADHD, and had me do another "test", which was a joke. So....I felt horrible again....
So we got fed up, and heard about another doctor who would give me the attention I needed.
Now I am driving, being more social, and just happier!!

Cassi J

7/15/2013 03:10:48 pm

It's almost scary how much I could've written this post myself. Suffering from anxiety, with bouts of depression, doctor who (ESPECIALLY this episode) has brought me comfort and hope on numerous occasions... it came later in the series, but I even bought a "van gogh" pandorica opens tshirt :-)

Keep fighting the good fight, girl. I'd love to preorder one of these as well!

♥♥♥

7/15/2013 05:52:35 pm

It seems like what I've written has really resonated with a lot of people, for me at least it helps give me a feeling that I'm not alone with my depression and anxiety, there are so many people out there who feel the same and who understand!

I wish I could do pre-orders on this but if I did they'd all already be claimed by now! It's looking like I'll definitely need to do a second run in a couple months so if you don't get one now there's still hope!

Samantha Rigge

7/15/2013 05:38:16 pm

*hu gs* I could relate to everything you said, I too have dealt with depression for many years, been fighting a case of just wanting to hide in bed for the past week or so. This in part is why I jumped into the indie polish making myself (Of course I do worry that if I fail how is that going to affect me) I also am going to do an awareness line of polishes (one of which will of course be depression) best wishes!

7/15/2013 06:01:27 pm

Oh my gosh, when I first started Lucky 13 my goal was to maybe make some polishes for myself and friends, I *never* imagined I would have people see my name on reddit and say "*You* make Lucky 13?!"! It still hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes: some people consider Lucky 13 to be their favorite brand! Like...wha? lol. Basically to try to combat the potential failure I just had low expectations for myself, haha. Whatever works, right?

I can't wait to see what you end up with for your polishes, and I *love* the idea of an entire collection devoted to awareness.

7/15/2013 06:06:09 pm

I have actually taken it a step further and have started a group, Polish for Awareness, and am gathering indie makers and bloggers to create a huge launch of awareness polishes. If you're interested in just spreading the word I would love to have you

The Nail Newbie link

7/16/2013 09:18:20 am

Thank you for this post and polish. I've been suffering from depression for years, and although there seem to be more good than bad days lately, those dark ones always seem to wash away all hope of it ever getting better. It's good to be reminded that there will be good days again and that the bad ones really don't destroy the good things. I hope I can get one of these to wear as a reminder of that.

7/17/2013 08:15:15 am

Nail polish began as an anti-depressant for me, so I think creating Softening the Bad Things has kind of become my crowning achievement as far as combining lacquer and anti-depressants!

I hope you're able to snag one with this first run, but if not it's looking like it would be an offense to the entire lacquer community if I don't do a second run, haha :-) Keep an eye out for a second run around September!

7/16/2013 10:41:26 pm

My boyfriend of 6 years is bipolar and suffers from crushing depression that can last in upwards of 6 months, then a good period of a year or so, followed by a manic episode so severe he usually ends up hospitalized against his will. He is in therapy and medicated and is always working to get better but it's a painful, sometimes futile feeling, process as I know he so desperately wants to feel "normal" (or whatever he thinks "normal" should feel like). It's heartbreaking.

I too will match your donation. And will keep my eye out for when those beauties go on sale. They're gorgeous.

7/17/2013 08:27:22 am

My mom is bipolar as well, it's difficult to see her fighting just to get out of bed some days when others she's totally manic. I'm glad to hear he's working to control his bipolarism and not let it control him, best of luck to him!! And I hate the word "normal", it makes it seem like those of us with depression, anxiety, etc are abnormal! Well, ok, I am, but not because of my mental illness ;-) The word "normal" is especially detrimental in my eyes because there are so many "normal" people who are fighting their own battles with mental illness; no one is really as normal as you think they are!

Thank you for matching the donation! Can you please send me an email at [email protected] so I can contact you after they've sold? And if you have a blog please email it to me or post in a reply! :-)

Claire link

7/22/2013 06:31:22 am

Wow, a post i can relate to very much.
I love the Dr Who saying - its very true, and must keep it in mind!
I would love to have a bottle of the special polish and would love to make a contribution too, so please let me know about both?
i have a blog and would love to post about it.
Warmest wishes
Claire
xx
http://pennyforthem1.blogspot.co.uk

Claire

7/22/2013 06:33:25 am

i meant to say, sorry i was so caught up with thinking - i know exactly where youre coming from having had depression since i was a youngun and in the last 8 years been diagnosed with Borderline personality as well as M.E so it hit home with me alot what you said.
i wish i had the braviety to write that on my own blog, but a part of me still tries to hide it i think...
one day i might be brave enough i think...youve certainly got me thinking, so thank you :)
<3 <3 xx

7/23/2013 07:26:09 am

Thank you so much for contributing! I'll add you to the list and I'll contact you once they've all been sold <3

And it might be worthwhile to just write up a post--just write it, don't post it--about your feelings and how they relate to your blog (if applicable). Maybe one of these times you'll find you're brave enough to post it after all :-)

Shelley

7/25/2013 10:27:59 am

Are these still available?

7/25/2013 10:36:54 am

They're actually set to be released Monday! Around 2PM PST on Monday I'll give a 30 minute warning on my Facebook page and when they're gone they're gone (until I do a second run in a couple months).

7/26/2013 08:15:10 am

I'll have to hope I can get it at my 3pm break then. Dang day job!

Alyssa link

7/29/2013 06:08:17 am

This is WONDERFUL! I'll be stalking your Facebook page, but if I miss out I'll definitely snag one in the next run. You're amazing!

Bobby link

4/21/2019 09:10:19 am

I love the gifs you used here, ha!

Softening the Bad Things

UPDATE

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